we could live in a world without disabilty
ex: Indigenous friend of mine with disability related to written language. not disabled in an oral culture like hers
ex: me at work, stress management could have been a teaching
ex: people with skills in pain management could be teachers too
ex: world where everybody is by default equal, where basis is not competition and performance, but sharing and exchanging and meeting

so, we can say that disability is a “social construct”,
but, in our Western society, however, not only do we have a concept of dis-ability but

the concept of disability is violent because “DIS” hints at an impeding lack

and it is constantly maintained by ableist attitudes, i.e. ableism
ex: not being able to work or to work full-time is not considered simply as a difference to respect in a society of equals, but as a lack, something that makes people have less inherent value, makes them less worthy of respect and consideration
ex: some people who do not live with disability like to praise people living with disability who win olympics or do something out of the ordinary. this is another type of attitude, but it is still some kind of ableism that praises those with similar ableist standards as the main stream.

now in Ontario, somebody who does not fit the mainstream standards can be “defined as dis-abled” or as “living with disability”, can identify as such for diverse reasons, can also feel the stigma of disability and the ignorance of ableism, can feel the barriers, visible or invisible on our ways, can feel disabled in an invisible or episodic way and unfairly not recognized as such and pushed around, can be proud to be disabled in a reclaim of values that do not align with the current system. All this is very complex and paradoxical, and, psychologically, socially, economically, and politically very tricky.

living with or near disabiltiy is like living in a box full of contradictions. the concept of disability and ableism point at how unequal and violently unfair our society is with those who do not fit the usual standards, but it is also extremely useful for us to fight for our rights or simply survive. example: 

i identify as “disabled”; i can say that i “live with disability” because i do not fit the current standards of performance at work, which i actually do not value anymore, because i do not fit the current standards of socializing at night, the current standards of amount of energy to spend in one day, the current standards of stress reaction and management, the current standards of relating to food, the current standards of mental state,  the current standards of sensitiivty to noise and air flow, and many other standards. i rarely say “i am disabled” though because my body does not know what disability means. 

psychological load: i had to work out of the shame attached to the label
social load: i am constantly educating my social circles about what disabiltiy is and is not for me and politically in Canada and Ontario. i have lost a lot of friends and family. i feel i am very alone and i have a teaching that’s is rarely seen. i think we all have a teaching to share. but i struggle a lot with fear of future
political load: i feel the loneliness of advocates of disability rights and how this government is exploiting our vulnerable position in society. there is a huge amount of work to do in terms of rights and equality
economical load: this is what interests us today

because being defined as disabled by ODSP allows those marginalized, those who are dis-abled, to have a better allowance than on OW.